Happy

I'm happy.

Cos I finished 2 tax computations already.

One more on hand which is 70% completed.

Another one to finish... and that's lots more!

One more advisory work to do.

Woo hoo...

Less stressed already.

So that's only 3 on hand now.

Yeay!

bex

Frustration

This is going to be another whiny post.

During my studies for ACCA, i was rather miserable.
Cos I felt that I was not enjoying my life.
Constant stress.
Lack of sleep.
Lack of food.
Lack of rest.
Gave up a lot of things - social life, movies, hanging out, tv, sleep, dates, internet.
Almost everything.
All my time and attention just to study so that I wouldn't fail.
I kept thinking "It would be all over once I finish ACCA. Then i can have the life i've always wanted".
Actually, I think i said the same thing during SPM...then STPM.
The cycle repeated at ACCA.
Now I've finished ACCA.. by the grace of God who somehow pulled me through.
Even when I gave up, He never did.
But I see the same cycle repeating.
At work.
Having to give up many things again.
Just to work.
It makes me think "Is this what I want in life?"
I don't want to waste my youth away.
Yet, if I don't strive for something, I feel meaningless.
So, it's an internal struggle again.
I know that if i settle for a simpler job with lower pay, I will be envious of my more successful friend.
But I do long for a simple life.
Maybe i'm just tired now.
Dad keeps warning me not to get burnt out.
But I feel burnt out.
Maybe cos I push myself too hard.
Keep expecting too much out of myself.
I'm so afraid that my life is slipping out of my hands.

Last Sunday, i treated myself to breakfast at Old Town before coming in for breakfast.
On the tv, there were snippets of wise sayings.
Let me paraphrase one of it.
"Life is like a coin. Don't let someone else spend it for you"
Got me thinking.
Am i letting others dictate how i should live?
I want to enjoy life as how God made it to be.

Oh God... I need you.
Jesus, sweet Jesus, I need you so much.

Bex

Tired and Angry

I'm so dazed.
Tired and angry.
I'm already up to my limits with work.
But it still keeps coming in.
I am grateful for the exposure and experience.
But I'm just so tired.
Before I can finish one, another comes in.
It just feels so unfair.

Shut up and let me whine.

I'm really tired.
I can't think straight.

I had to take MC just to sleep yesterday.
And the panel doc would not give me an MC.
Saying I had no valid reason.
What the?
I was unfit for work duty.. cos I'm over exhausted.

Even when I was sleeping at home, i still get calls from the office.

I took double valiums yesterday.
In a span on 8 hours.
Just so that I could sleep.

Saw another doc.
Got an MC.

Requested for sleeping pills.
Could see that he was empathetic with my situation.
Gave me drowsy pills so that i can sleep.

Someone just passed me another file.
This afternoon, senior asked me to help her with another tax revision.

I'm tired.
So very tired.

bex

Cravings

I've been craving for food.
No, I'm not pregnant.
There is not even a slightest chance in that.

Today, I want ice cream.
Normally a simply McD ice cream would be enough.
But no.
Not today.
Today I want Thornton's icecream.
And that is something I cannot get.
Well, unless someone ships if from UK.
But by that time, there will be no more ice cream.

Maybe a cake will do..
Hmmph.

Stress makes people fat.
I agree.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Solo and I are really stressed out bout finding money for the house.
We need 5% come September.
RM 15,000 in 2 months.

Oh God, please provide!
We believe that we were not lead to the house by chance.
Nothing is impossible for you.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hungry.
Food .... food!!

bex
And we continue to trust in you.

Sunday... and in office

It's 10.51 pm.
I'm alone in office.
Tired.
Still lots to do.
Throat hurts.
I think i'm sick.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Solo and I bought a house!



Well..it's not really ours yet.
Just booked it.
Cos it's not launched yet.
Hehe. =)
One step closer to marriage. =)

Bex

Hebrews 13:15-16 (New International Version)

15 Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name.

16 And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>

Paul makes it clear that pleasing God also involves a commitment to serve those around us, looking to Jesus as our example. “Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself” (Romans 15:2-3).

(Source : http://www.rbc.org/bible-study/strength-for-the-journey/daily-strength.aspx#)

<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>

I finally understand why God made me the way I am.

Hah!

I've been so silly.

Indeed God, you know the innermost desires of my heart.

Even when I have no clue who i am.

Yet, you knew me and moulded me to be in this position that i am today.

Thank you Lord.

bex

Sleep deprived.... still!

I know I should have slept early yesterday.
But it's not always that I could catch an episode of House.
So I watched.
10pm - 11pm.

And so i'm sleep deprived again.

*yawn yawn yawn*

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Mom helped me pay off my car loan!
There was a remaining 10k or so.
Since it was so little and my dad wanted to transfer the car to my name, they decided to pay it off.

Mom : Now you pay me RM 100 for the next 12 years.
Me : WHAT??? I only have 4 years left to pay for the car...
Mom : Yeala.. but you pay me alot lesser now ma. No interest some more. Later when your earning capacity increases, you pay me more la.
Me : Oh... ok. *feeling ackward cos my parents are seldom so generous".. thanks.

So.. yea.. now my mum is my Ah-Long.

Thank god for parents to rely on... especially financially.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Thank you Lord for answering my prayers.

I've been praying lately for help financially cos money is very very tight for me.
Like last weekend, I sent my car for service and the bill came up to RM 520!
That's my entire month's saving!
Sigh.

Things keep popping up.

So THANK YOU LORD for providing.

Bex

Sleep deprived

I'm sleep deprived.

I took a nap on Sunday afternoon thinking that it would help me recover some lost sleep.

Ended up not being able to sleep at night.

Went to bed at 11.30pm.
Rolled around till 12.44 am.

Decided to take one of the pills the doc gave to help me sleep.
He gave them to me just in case the sound in my ear gets too loud.

Took it.
Within 15 mins, I became groggy.
And finally... i slept.

I'm still tired and sleepy.
Maybe today I can have better sleep.

*yawns*

bex

blegh!

i'm tired.
lack of sleep.

good thing is that the sound in my ear is reducing.

saw doc on sat.
we both decided to just let it be.
will see him in 6 months to check whether there is further hearing loss.

i'm really tired.
i need a holiday.

a good holiday.

can't wait for Sarawak mission trip.
Can't wait for Solomon's church retreat.
Thinking of going for I-bridge camp.

August...come quickly!
No public holidays in July. Sad.
But when august comes, then my hectic weekend starts.

Decide to torture myself by taking up 3 CFP modules this time round.
I'm a sadist.

Sleepy.
Work work work..

Bex